Sexual Competitions

He let out the amazing truth. For a very long period before the time of Our Ford, and even for some generations afterwards, erotic play between children had been regarded as abnormal (there was a roar of laughter); and not only abnormal, actually immoral (no!): and had therefore been rigorously suppressed.

– Aldous Huxley, Brave New World

Most of us have played some sort of sexual game, even if only when we were very young. Sexual games are more than just a way of adding sexual acts to normal situations. Our games introduce us to a range of sexual behaviours, which can give us an opportunity to act out roleplay fantasies or experiment with different power dynamics. One of the key words in sexual games and competitions is “excuse”.

Lets take a very simple sexual game that you may have performed as a youngster, “kiss chasey”. If you haven’t played it, it’s basically normal chasey, or tag, but if you get touched by someone who is “it”, then you have to kiss them. If we didn’t want to perform sexual acts, being kissing in this case, then we wouldn’t play the game. Obviously as kids there is some amount of peer pressure, but I don’t recall ever finding my childhood sexual games to be forced on me. Now that we’re adults, I think it’s certainly safe to say that our sexual games will remain strictly consensual.

So, withing the boundaries of consent, what does it mean to have an “excuse”?

In primary school, I didn’t have an opportunity to walk up to someone and kiss them. I’m not even sure that I actually wanted to. However, when desire and curiosity are in conflict, a good resolution is to put yourself in a situation where the decision might be seen to be out of your hands. The game gave me an excuse to kiss girls, and obviously I thought that was worth doing.

This same motivation is true of other games, such as the ever popular Strip Poker. I admit that as a child, I never played strip poker, because I didn’t actually know how to play poker. However, we were familiar with the name, and tried it with other games instead. I think strip “Uno” was the most popular. Usually, stripping games are spoken of as if the main motivation is to see the other person naked, and that risking being naked yourself is simply the bargaining piece. While this may be true to some extent, the excuse to take our own clothes off shouldn’t be ignored.

Many sexual games involve dares or forfeits. This might be Truth or Dare, or the more complicated variety I played a lot as a young teenager, “Truth-Dare-DoubleDare-Kiss-Torture-Promise” (you can figure that one out yourself). Dares give us an excuse to perform a whole range of sexual acts, provided we have engaged in a game that has a clear motivation for us to play, and a set of rules that indicate that when we “lose”, then we have no choice but to perform the act.

I’ve been fascinated with sexual games for a long time, to the point where my lovers tend to get a little sick of me introducing them into our sex lives constantly. I’ve also been experimenting with a range of them online. In subsequent posts on this subject, I’m going to dive into the motivations involved in sexual games and competitions in more detail. In particular, I’ve found that a few tweaks in the rules of some of the classic old games that we played as kids can have all sorts of interesting effects on the sexual dynamics.


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"Building the Sex" is a blog about creatively using technology to enrich our sex and fantasy lives.

Craig is a professional software developer, and the creator of Playful Bent, an adult social network.

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